Some Words of Advice

When you put pumpkins on your porch to decorate, don't make them look too nice, or some evil spawn will commit the sacrilege of stealing them. They won't take them all at once. No. First, they'll take two one night and then come back for two more the next. Here is the sole survivor--other than our moldy Jack-o-Lantern that's almost completely black inside. Okay, I'm going to throw it away right now. I'm glad the hoodlums left me the cutest one at least. Yes, pumpkins are cute.

Clearly when the majority of your toys are restored to you after a long sojourn in the shed because of one of your dad's more elaborate disciplining tactics, it makes perfect sense to dump and spread them all over the driveway to have a more thorough reunion.

When you're putting make-up on with your friend, go ahead and pull out all the stops. And put it on your little brothers too (who have an unfathomable obsession with nail polish--especially in their hair.)

Wait, this looks familiar...

oh yes--last year's edition:

Never sit on the obvious resting place. Perch on the window sill like a cat.

I'm thinking circus camp.

Always sign your artwork.

When your boys decide to go into your bathroom, fill the sink with water, then use one of those round, plastic, chain-thing baby toys to fill a water bottle, don't drink the water (or kool-aid). By the end of the day it will still be...well...opaque. I don't know what my boys did to that water--at first I thought it was hot--but it was cloudy, people. Yeah that one got emptied and thrown away. They wouldn't even drink it.

When (note: not if) you come across a moist, succulent booger on your wall, wipe it off immediately. Don't wait until later when you actually discover it, dried and crusty and petrified and left for you by your little darlings, because when you wipe it off it will take the paint with it.

Beware the concoction Mr D makes and calls "breakfast" but is compiled of four freshly-emptied containers of sprinkles, and on further inspection, a fair amount of salt (that looks frighteningly similar to the clear sprinkles), and parsley. He's a future chef, that one.

Don't let your two- year-old stand and lean against the back of his chair because he'll fall straight back. The child will recover on his own, the chair won't without the aid of super glue and packing tape.