More Curtainous Adventures

I forgot to mention in my GRHH post--and I had really wanted to--that the duct tape was not working. Imagine my glee when I heard it slowly ripping off the ceiling. Well, it didn't really rip the ceiling, but that's the sound it was most akin to. That, and the sound of hair being pulled out. I digress. And you get the point. That was why I had to use the sightly board we use to keep my daughter in bed, to hold up the rod for Sawyer's nap.

(Look, Sawyer can't even look at it.)

Curtain rod crashes are such nap advocates. How sad is it that I am still obsessed over the curtain rod that now resides, with a duct tape collar, in my outside garbage can? It just did not deserve to continue taking up space in my 1, 036 sq. ft. house. I cannot tell you how mad I was at it. I have never been so furious with an inanimate object in my life.

A.N.Y.W.A.Y.

During the inspiring Idol Finale, I came up with a solution because Sawyer needed curtains and Lex needed her buffer. My solution: upholstery tacks. Lots and lots of upholstery tacks. Like, almost a whole box (a broke a few trying to get them in). And ta-da...

The wall of fabric is born.

Not the prettiest of solutions, but it'll do until I work up the sheer determination to try again--and have Dan help me hang a brand-new curtain rod complete with it's own hardwood, including mollies. Thank goodness I was taping Idol so I could go back and watch the guys singing with Bryan Adams (whose songs remind of an old boyfriend), because the commercial breaks weren't long enough.

Sadly, I don't open the curtains as often as I should because it gets redundant opening and closing them 13 times a day for Sawyer's two naps, so I'm not overly concerned about them being opened a lot. But, I got these curtain holder-back thingies that Lex is modelling so nicely because they came with screw. And mollies. So here is a pretend view.

A close-up, because I knew you could not live another minute without seeing this up close and now it has just made your day. (Does anyone else think of Mrs. Doubtfire there?)

And people, I am not even going to attempt this one without Dan, even though I don't have to stand precariously balanced on a chair.

Now the fiasco is finished--for now--I can move on to my children's endeavors to make the house beautiful. No I am not being sarcastic there. At all.

Oh yeah, the other day Hyrum, a.k.a. Mr Destructo, was licking yogurt right out of the container. Side note: I buy the big containers of yogurt, so we have to spoon it into individual bowls. I guess Hyrum chose to skip that step.

I went ahead and something ineffectual, meant to be effective and forceful, like, "Hyrum, stop doing that!" or my personal favorite, a simple (very loud) "HYRUM!" while I sit and physically do nothing but watch him.

Lex, dispassionately observed, "Yeah, he's like a dog, isn't he?"

To which Hyrum laughed is wholehearted agreement.

Funny Lex, but what are we doing here?

His turn.

Her turn.

Both together now.

They share so nicely. Yes, they're drinking water out of a bowl.

Yeah, they're like dogs aren't they?

This will make more sense if you read the post below first.

I just went in to get Sawyer out of bed, and noticed--and can't believe I forgot--that (to add insult to injury) the [insert swear word of choice] curtain rod is C.R.O.O.K.E.D.

Yeah, I measured.

Does anyone know how much it costs to hire someone to hang a curtain rod?

GRRH

Let me begin by mentioning I'm still steaming about the following incident and it's hindering my sense of humor. And prepare yourself for a monologue that will probably take as long to read as the mishap took to happen.

So, today I thought I'd be brilliantly motivated and quickly hang a curtain rod in my baby's room when I was supposed to be putting him down for a nap. This project had been waiting for a while and suddenly I felt like today, right then, was the perfect time to do it. While my husband wasn't home. To talk reason into me and talk the project out of me. Never mind there was already a perfectly sound rod in there and I was a little behind putting Sawyer to bed. Let me mention that there are no blinds in his room, so curtains are necessarily critical. I wanted to switch rods and hang the new one higher and blah blah blah I was going to do it today if it killed me.

Our windows are big, so we have to buy the really long curtain rods that come with three brackets. I started by using fat nails to secure the middle bracket. Things were going smoothly. I put the rod in so I could extend it and see how much longer I wanted it to be than the old rod. The bracket slid out. No big deal, I'll use screws instead. They go in so nicely when there's already a hole created for them. When I discovered this on the first bracket, I decided to go ahead and start holes for the screws on the outside bracket. Smart, right?

Not so much.

When I had everything screwed it, I put in the rod to see if it was okay, and the all came sliding out! No big deal, I decided to take out the screw and put them in at an angle. Pointing up. To make it easier for them to slide out. Again.

By now my special French was creeping in. The kind I'm trying to forgo so that it doesn't become my baby's first coherent language. At church.

Not to be deterred (because I'd already removed a bracket from the old rod and couldn't turn back now), I moved the brackets ever so slightly to start new holes, put in longer screws that had to make their own holes, and screwed them in from the sides, hoping it would add strength. I even used screws on the bottom holes (where I had nails). Things were looking good. Yes, were.

Thinking I was in the clear, I went ahead and put the curtains on the rod and getting excited, attempted hanging the rod on my oh-so-secure brackets. I was a little tentative, naturally, and it turned out, for good reason. Not my reason--that was going out the window.

Everything went in okay, so I tried opening and closing the curtains on one side to see how it looked open and closed. Bad move because the curtain rod slid out more and when I tried moving it back, guess what the [insert swear word] bracket did? I can't even say it. Okay, it slid out again. All these times it was sliding out, I kept screwing it back in, knowing it was hopeless because the screws kept moving around in circles, never stopping, telling me the hole was pretty much stripped.

Yeah, well, I moved to other side to adjust something and the abandoned half of the rod entirely fell out, bracket, curtains and everything. Well, duh, I guess the curtains had to fall if the rod did. By now, I'm ashamed to confess, I was dropping French bombs. I tried moving that particularly irritating bracket so I could make new holes. Then Reinsert rod. No dice. Keep in mind, half the time I was also trying to hold up the rod, being the only one in the house tall enough (on a chair) to reach it, or the rod was hanging precariously while I did all my screw driving.) The ding dong dang thing came sliding out AGAIN! By this time I was ready to take drastic measures.

With duct tape.

Lovely, don't you think?

(It really adds to the aura of the room. Or feng shui, or whatever. And it TOTALLY matches. Or complements. Again, whatever.)

But not strong enough.

Sawyer's a little concerned about curtain rods falling and disturbing his beauty sleep. But never fear, little S-man! See the board from sister's bunk bed propped on an overturned basket to support the duct taped curtain rod from hell? That will work. Until bedtime. When Lex needs it because now that she sleeps on the top bunk, she suddenly falls out of bed. The poor little man even cried more than usual, I think because of the disaster that has befallen his room.
Let me tell you that my apple-scented anti-perspirant was reminiscent of my apple tree in late summer when lots of fruit has fallen off and is rotting, stench-like, on the ground.
So much for completing my nutso project and impressing Dan when he got home. Now he has to fix what I've done and we are in a time crunch, considering we have a two-hour American Idol finale to watch tonight.

Yeah, and after all that botheration, don't even get me started on how the curtain rod does not look good with the curtains because it's that one color of metal I can't think of the name of at the moment and I should have spray-painted it black but was willing to overlook the miscoloring just to have it hung. So much for that.

I have already indulged in chocolate to soothe my lacerated and duct taped nerves.
This will be me in a month when I go to my family reunion with the relations I rarely see.

Hello, everyone. Yes I'm still pudgy in the midsection. Yes, I've been going to Curves since March. What? It's not working? I look as generously proportioned as I did at the last family reunion when I had a four-month-old baby, but this time have a 15-month-old baby? What? You don't want me to wear my bathing suit? It's a little revolting? I'm so sorry. Remind me to wear a mu-muu next time. I'll have filled it in by then.
For now, bring on the chocolate. I'll screw little holes in it to cut out some of the calories. Yeah, that might work. Especially if I make special holes with nails first.

A Good Bite

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Breaking Twilight movie update!

I just got an email from my friend with the official movie trailer.

I can't figure out in 30 seconds how to upload the video, so here's the link.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=33429578

This site has the trailer (a little blurred) and more:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=j9JgLtq_z5k

Looks like there are other trailers too.

I'm going to go watch all of them.

Well, some anyway.

I do wish the movie was coming sooner than in seven months! It comes out on my mom's birthday--think she'll want to go see it with me? I think it would be loads of fun.

Ugh, and you know what? After being fine all day long and acting normal and running around outside and eating, Hyrum threw up again, all over his new bed, bedding, on the floor in his room, and all over his face because, again, he was lying down. It came out so violently and unexpectantly at first that I just screamed, swore, and ran out of the room. I'm such a sweet, nurturing mother.

This time I hope I don't have to have the carpet cleaners come.

I just remembered the load of his bedding is still in the washer and it's been washed for a couple of hours, but after yesterday's marathon laundry day, I've kind of reached my limit. I can't.take.anymore.

So, anybody driving down (or up) to Murray to see David Archuleta? I'd rather go to the Jazz-Lakers game and see him sing. I'll be content to watch him on the news. They're talking about rain for his "David's Day" celebrations. I hope it doesn't rain for my mom, brother, and me during our Race for the Cure walk Saturday morning. No, we don't run 5K's. We'll be walking in memory of my aunt Margo who died last Father's Day. It's not too late to register at the Gateway if anyone wants to go, but do it before Saturday morning to save $15, which sounds completely awful because the registration fee is donated to breast cancer research, but remember how I only have $1.13 to spare? Pray for sunny weather! And no more vomiting!

By the way, my husband hasn't cleaned up any throw-up at all, other than putting Mr Destructo in the tub tonight since the puke was in his eyelashes. I have to do something with him. You know, like leave tomorrow night. Anyone game to come with me? Think we could get into the game?

Spewing and More Mistreating

Yesterday Mr Destructo's stomach decided our house wasn't dirty enough and wanted to destroy the carpet, the couch (two things I already don't love) and his pajamas (four times). It was so fun. My favorite was when he was throwing up, thought he was finished, laid down, and you guessed it, threw up more and it was sitting in his mouth and running down his neck and...I think you get the picture. I'm trying to block it out.

He got the carpet twice in the same spot--not being thorough enough the first time, the second spouting was much bigger. Needless to say, carpet cleaners are coming today. It needed it anyway, even though I really just want to tear the nasty stuff out and refinish the wood underneath.
All in all, I did seven, yes seven, loads of laundry.

I could not have done it with these. No way:

Like our vintage spigots? (Like the word spigot like I do?)

I accomplished it thanks to these fellows.

Who replaced the other old hags a few months ago (thank IRS and your wonderful tax return system):

So sad (looking) sitting out on the curb, waiting to have their moldy-clankety selves hauled to the dump. Looking frumpy next to the new one, whose showing off (or something) with it's big fat drawer hanging open.

So sad, how the this is what the top looked like by the end of the day (am I the pack rat?)

Please, if there is any confusion, that rice cooker is OURS.

It's ironic how many cleaners I have, when I hardly ever use them. Well, I do use the laundry stuff usually and I think those are taking up the bulk.

In my defense, we had to take out a shelf to get these babies to fit on their pedestals and I had a lot of junk laying all over the house waiting for Sawyer to get into it, so I had to put it up quick. I have since discovered that everything fits in the pedestals. Awesome.

And I (back to yesterday's events)--prepare yourself for a shock--folded all of it (plus the two already in the basket--one having been there over a week) and put all of it away. Having washed everything we owned, besides what was on our backs and Mr Destructo's Thomas pajamas 15 times, I deduced that Dan has too many socks.

He could wear socks every day for three weeks straight and always have a clean pair. And my dear, sweet, unfashion-conscious husband has.more.clothes.and.coats than I do. Let's set the record straight. He does not buy more than I do (it's usually all bought for him), he gets rid of less than I do.

On a happier note, a few weeks ago I fixed the mistreatment over my window. Side note: I didn't sew anything at all and I even managed to buy the fabric with all three kids in tow, though I didn't come out entirely unscathed because Lexie talked me into buying a yard of some random pink fabric that will be used for a later purpose. When inspiration for it comes to me.

Anyway, the window mistreatment went from this,

to this,

to this,

and this

to this.

Better? Huge improvement? Can't wait to do all the rest of my windows.

It's going to be so disappointing to our prospective buyers (in a long while) when they learn they're getting naked windows with their new house. I'm not leaving my cute window treatments for them to throw away or send to DI. Plus, as I've redone the treatments, I've been systematically chucking our low-rate old mini blinds that don't block light at night and break easily and don't fit our massive 60's windows properly or even complimentarily. Not even close. You don't want to get on my bad side, even if you're inanimate. That's a poor excuse for being pathetic.

Back to the not pathetic. A close-up of the cool red gingham. I do love gingham.

I shamelessly copied another lady who used this fabric when she copied the Nester's mistreatments. I just liked it. Again, sue me. Not really, we don't have enough tax return money left. I can give you a dollar. And thirteen cents.

Like the cute wooden flag I painted (and beat with my sander) with the Achievement Day girls when I was "helping" my friend Nicole (who did all the work)? No I don't have a new calling. The other lady was sick. I still get to talk the kids into singing every Sunday. Let's not mention that I forgot to teach them any songs for Mother's Day (a day I did NOT forget because Dan's leaving town) and they're singing in Sacrament Meeting this Sunday. Oops.

Close-up of ring clips. Because you were dying to know how they look up close.

Like the cool glass jar I got at the antique mall in Logan? Probably should have used the flash.

Can you see the big bubble in the glass? Cool. Lately, I'm a little obsessed with antique jars. Not sure why. Call me worldly, collecting worldly goods. Call me sandy. Call me weird because this post just veered into left field.

Blame it on too much laundry yesterday and still sniffing vomit today--against my will. My baby is scrounging for food on the floor. I think I better feed him lunch at 2: 30 in the afternoon.

Spring Fever

I apologize for the not unusual lack of posts lately, but it seems as though spring might have sprung for good (though I'm crossing my fingers) and I've deemed blogging--for me--a winter pastime.

At least the posting part.

I'm still overtly addicted to reading 50 million other blogs.

But, I have three rose bushes I think I'm trying to kill because they've been sitting in a bucket of water for a few weeks since they were delivered. Jackson and Perkins called, they want their roses back.

I have a six-pack of strawberry plants that have been sitting on my back patio for a month waiting for us to build another SFG box. And I had better hurry, because there are strawberries growing on them.

I finally finished stripping (a process I don't recommend) and sanding this:

and need to prime it and paint it once I choose just the right shade of blue. Don't get nervous. I know my wall colors in my house are a disappointment (they were to me), but I learned my lesson about choosing a paint color in the store--gasp--and only getting one dinky little paint sample booklet from Home Depot and not shopping around for other samples before choosing a color. I have since gained wisdom (and learned to copy the Nester--I would click on that if you want some good advice on one particular paint color that I've seen in real life and it really does look good). The front of my house looks okay, right? I deliberated all winter over which shade of black to paint my shutters and which shade of red would aptly suit my door and complement my red brick--that was tricky!

Anyway, I went to the real paint store that sells Benjamin Moore paints and picked up a few hear and there and have 15 sample cards to choose from. Enough?

And now that this post is completely discombobulated and I do not remember that point I was trying to make or where I was going. Yes I know, those mean the same thing. Call me redundant.

I remember wanting to mention I was busy being a good mom and making a treasure map for my kids and their friend and of course they made me in charge of filling a treasure chest and burying it.

In the meantime, I've remembered I'm a bad mom and though I posted on Hyrum's birthday, I neglected to post about it being his birthday. Lovely. I'm so glad he doesn't read my blog. Or the he doesn't know how to read. Or speak 100% intelligibly. He had a good birthday. He got a Thomas the Tank Engine. That's all he cared about. Oh, and Thomas pajamas that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pry off of him, but he's actually been really good about allowing himself to be dressed in clean clothes.

I realize you do not spell "Hyrum" "OHO," but Lexie doesn't. No matter how many times I tell her.

Weapon of mass destruction for Mr. Destructo. Thomas and Percy lying in wait on the floor.

Lucky for me, his cousin loves trains too and his parents had his party at a train park. I counted it for Hyrum's birthday too. Sue me.

Checking out the engines.

Inspecting the tracks.

Ready to go. Roller coaster style.

The mini temple on the hill. Because no self-respecting-Utah-Mormon train yard would be complete without a temple. I'm not bashing it. I'm teasing it. Hello, who took a picture of it? A self-respecting-Mormon-mom-with-a-camera.

His favorite dinnertime activity:

No, we didn't drug him.

I had to hold his head up. To keep the drool from gushing out. Heaven forbid we stop sucking our fingers after we've fallen asleep.

I downloaded tons of pictures I've been taking for the last few months with posts in mind, but as I am up to three kids and down to three brain cells and I value my non-newborn-interrupted late night projects sleep, well, I'll keep y'all in suspense. As if I have, like, more than 10 readers.