I Have Big News

Big, I tell you.
Christmas was great, blah, blah, blah, whatever.
But, I finally saw Twilight.
The planets have aligned. The stars have merged, whatever.
I went with my mom and cousin with the awesome name.
We giggled at the appropriate times of utter cheesiness.
We left the theater to 6 inches of snow.
Wa-hoo.
There were actually 4 when we went in.
Wa-stinking-hoo.
I've had Edward dreams for two nights.
Weird ones.
Don't tell the husband.

So Bring Us Some Fudgy Fudgy

Because I should be doing 72 other things, I'll post the fudge recipe. I should not be doing this--I consider it my own special treat to give out, so Sassy Pants, and people in my neighborhood--no stealing! Unless you're giving it to people I don't know and whose taste buds need refining.

I got the recipe from a lady who makes a ton of good-tastin' candy every Christmas and she gave us a handout with a bunch of tips for making good candy--I'll give you the critical ones so I don't hear any boo-hooing about people's fudges not fudging.

The tips, in no rational order, almost all copied ver bedim (if you already know how to make good candy, skip on ahead, but go carefully--don't hurt your knees, or take anyone out with your elbows--it sort of hurts):

1. A heavy pan (that's thick on the bottom) is best for candy-making.

2. Use a wooden spoon while stirring candy so it doesn't go sugary.

3. Butter is better than margarine.

4. Make sure you stir candy constantly! Candy burns really easy! When boiling candy, DO NOT boil at a high temperature, boil at a medium temperature to help keep it from burning. STIR CONSTANTLY! (If you missed that--stir constantly)

5. Make sure pans are greased and ready to pour candy into when it's done.

6. If you have long hair, pull it back. duh.


Now that you're thoroughly bored, on to the show. Her recipe (with my unsolicited running commentary in yellow-orange, not to be confused with yellow or orange):

Place in a large bowl:

1 pint (7-oz jar) marshmallow creme (just one--believe me, I've done it with two--still good, but harder to cut)
1 12-oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips--DON'T use milk chocolate (trust me on this one)
2 teaspoons vanilla
nuts if desired (or if you prefer, nutty in-laws)

Place in large pan:
5 c white sugar
2 cubes butter (NOT margarine) (how could you forget it's better with butter?)
dash of salt (it's incredible)
1 large (12-oz) can evaporated milk

Bring second mixture to a slow boil. (Over medium heat remember) (I'm not becoming at all annoying.) After it starts boiling, cook for 9 minutes. Pour over the mixture in the large bowl and stir quickly. Pour into 9x13 pan that has been sprayed with Pam (or Western Family, including the dog) (or Wal-Mart).

Now MY variation to transform it into scrumdiddlyumptious

Famous White Orange Fudge (complete with shadow) :

--In the bowl mixture--use white chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet--I've found Nestle has the best texture if you're not rich enough to go to some fancy pants candy store in Salt Lake that I'm sure does not welcome three stinky, loud, fast-moving in polar directions (if there were three poles) children who have spilled out a nasty, dirty minivan bringing a cascade of pretzels, old Happy Meal hamburgers (yes we've found those in crevices) and rock-hard PB sandwiches.

--Add 1 dram orange or tangerine candy flavoring bought at Ben Franklin's (locals) with a 40% coupon (because remember how we don't buy ingredients at fancy store if it involved driving there with a full minivan). You can add just a teaspoon if you have no taste, but when I tried to measure mine, it was pouring down the side anyway so it all went in. You can half the vanilla or still use 2 tsp, I don't think it will kill anything.

--I added the zest from two Clementines, because I had them, but I suppose if you don't have any, YOUR fudge will still taste OKAY, and I mean OKAY. (Actually it probably really will be okay). You can add zest to the top, but I think I would have preferred to go without, or to let it dry out a little first so I could scatter it better. Sue me for having no cooker lingo.

--Add food coloring--1 drop red, 5 drops yellow. Yeah, the gel stuff works too. And in case you're wondering, and are strictly on a need to know later--the gel works when coloring bath salts, too--you just have to shake it longer. A lot longer. But since we don't want to eat bath salts with our fudge, who cares about that?

Now go make it. It doesn't take that long. If anyone has tried it and used, say, orange extract instead of candy flavoring and had it work, let me know (like leave a comment so we can all learn). I might have bottle of orange extract to burn up. Well not literally. duh.

Oh yeah, if not quite ALL the marshmallow dissolves, don't stress--those are the good parts, the marbleing and the marshmallow chunks. (As opposed to blowing chunks--where I efficiently killed your cravings for white orange fudge at 11 at night.) (Thank me later--I do like me the comments.) The same goes for if all the chocolate chips that don't dissolve--but I think it helps to have them on top of the marshmallow creme in the bowl.

That done, and my only unsecret secret recipe out, I want people's opinions on a good flat iron, or what you think is a reasonable flat iron price. Mine halfway bit the dust on our trip to Boise four months ago (which was traumatic as I was meeting that stranger, Jennifer P., and apparently my self-confidence is dependant on the state of my bouffant) (sadly) and became fully incapacitated when I was very angry one day and hit against a hard surface several times. I do believe that was a bad hair day. Yes, Mom, I think I'll have those until I'm dead--even when I'm an old lady getting my hair done once a week at the beautician's. Becuase you wanted to hear about hair and fudge at the same time (killed the craving again, eh?)


So in case you've forgotten already, I want flat iron opinions! And fudge experiment results! Bring it on.

Getting Ready For Christmas

I hate when I take a ton of pictures of things to blog about, don't blog about them and then end up with so many unfulfilled dreams. Or something like that. Maybe if I weren't so wordy.

So brace yourself a little.

We made Gingerbread houses with Grandma.

So colorful.

See that little hand?

So proud.

Don't even last a day.

I copied these fabulous gals and made these little men out of my pumpkins.

And Mr Destructo got to them.

He kept saying, "It fell over," and grinning and laughing at himself.

He'd knocked. the. head. off.

And I was standing right by him!

Like the white 80's toothbrush splatters? It was no toothbrush, my friends. You can achieve the same look with spray paint when you're trying to fix a little spot without taking everything apart. Don't try it. Doesn't work. You end up with the overdone-and-so-yesterday-splattered-toothbrush-paint look.

Finished decorating.

The boxes are actually gone.

Last year I left them out all year--in my room. Turned out to be a good move when it wouldn't stop snowing and the sheds outside were buried.

The piano is filled with breakable Mr Destructo and S-man temptations.

Took the Nester's advice and combined all four skinny garlands I had into one big one. I cannot believe I never even combined two together before--how did I survive with skinny garlands all this time and actually think they looked good?!

The horrors.

Tonight I made my famous orange fudge. I'm so full of myself. The first year it was great (I'm guessing from the feedback), and last year just good, so I think I brought it back to it's mighty goodness this year, for all those who care. You know who you are.

While I was trying to zest a Clementine on the top, I dropped it in.

Meanwhile, the husband was playing with the kids and S-man threw a toy at him. All I heard was a mad rush for the bathroom and the husband yelling, "He threw a toy at me and my ear's gushing blood!"

I thought he was kidding. Because he kids that way.

He wasn't.

I heard the inevitable, "Can you get blood out of a white shirt?"
He's a big boy, so I figured he could clean himself up, and went about my business.

While I was thinking of getting the camera to photograph my orange dropped in the fudge, the husband yelled, "Aubrey, You want to get the camera and take a picture of this for your blog?"

(Aren't they funny how they want blog attention all the while cursing blogging and it's direct effects on the messy house and unclothed children?)

Nice, isn't it? I took the picture and he asked, "How does it look?"

"It looks pretty bad." (Um, duh, right?)

"Oh," chuckle, "I meant the picture." Never mind that I'm bleeding down my face. Priorities.

Then I was talking about putting liquid band-aid on it, and Lexie honed in on 'band-aid' and asked her dad, "Do you want a Scooby-Doo or Dora band-aid?"

We're not outrageous or anything.

The weapon of mass destruction (that will involve Spray 'N' Wash).
Oh, just a little thing, I finally talked the husband into

a new sofa.

Uh, we figured out the secret to getting the seat covers on straight on the third cushion.

Love Ikea. Love Ektorp. Love slipcovers. I am so on top of getting Christmas presents done early this year.

That ear-cutter is leering like a Chucky doll.