Plagiarizing Kimba

Does anyone ever click on those blogs I've got on my link list? You know, on the blogs belonging to strangers? They're worth checking out. Or they wouldn't be there. My point. Ever clicked on A Soft Place to Land? If you haven't, you're missing out. The gal is crazy and spray paints everything and the staple gun is her best friend. Kimba is her name and she inspired me to do a little reupholstering of my own thanks to her highly-instructive tutorials.

I Kimbaed some chairs.

Let me share how.

First, buy six uglyish chairs at a consignment store because all your handed-down, Shop-ko Windsor knock-offs are falling apart (or are already long gone) at an alarming rate.

See their potential.

All the while secretly wishing they were more like this:

Spray paint them all Heirloom White.

(With a $3 lamp base.)

Search all over northern Utah at every conceivable fabric store you know of (of which there aren't many) to find what you want (even though you're really not going for anything trendy and people will wonder just why you were so desperate to find what you ended up with), after going back and forth between several ideas, including, but not limited to, oilcloth, faux leather, vinyl, and various upholstery fabrics. End up settling on various quilting fabrics. (Yes I'm nuts. And now we really see why it was good I quit pursuing an Interior Design degree. Early on.)

Start to hate shopping.

Meanwhile tear off old, nasty fabric, along with a few fingernails (or almost, anyway). Let cursing ensue. Enlist the help of husband with stronger fingernails. Find needle nose pliers and box knife more effective during the movie.
Get grievously injured by over-aggressive staple.

Be surprised more cursing doesn't ensue.

(Just kidding, I left the blood there for dramatic effect. It is Halloween.)
(And to clean staple germs out the old-fashioned, natural organic way.)

Let rest of house fall apart. (Then fail to find the picture you thought you took of it.)

Who am I kidding? It looks a mess all the time! Just drop by unannounced, prepare yourself for Unshowered Barbie Aubrey and you'll get a first-hand witness to the chaos.

Share some witchy love.

Don't you love the fabric of her dress?

Overcome fear of the staple gun. Recover chairs with long-sought-after-confused-eyebrow-raising fabric.

Then, Marie Barone them.

(Oops didn't take a picture of the vinyl.)

Yes. Clear vinyl. We are going for super classy. Have you not read my profile? And need I remind everyone that this is headquarters for Bad Housekeeping Quarterly (because apparently that's how frequently I'm inspired to write a contributing article. That's if we ever get past the first)? And because that's how often I do deep cleaning things, like, wiping off chairs.

Did you get a good look at that picture of the paper that was under the vinyl? You can cover everything! Check it out--go cover your chaise lounges because who doesn't love laying out and getting hot and sticking. (That was not a typo.) And let's all rush out and cover our picture frames! Hurry, do it NOW!!

Enlist the help of a friendly handy man to put them back together. And a crazy transient who answers to Mr Destructo and is indifferent to being fully potty-trained, despite the benefit of getting to wear Thomas the Train and Lightning McQueen underwear.

And end up with 6 much better Kimbaed chairs.

Except hers are classier.

I was going for some kind of vintagey-50's-grandma's kitchen look.

(I'm defending myself because I was reading an article in Better Homes & Gardens--which is never good, by the way, it just makes you depressed about your house--about a lady whose house was decorated in neutrals and blues and she said something about not using too much color or your house will look like a circus. Of course, I felt immediately insecure and want to redo everything, but I'll abstain. And don't get me started on the article I read about the people whose house was rustic but not too countryish, and the Don't on the next page that say "The small, busy patterns that used to define country now appear old-fashioned." Well thanks a lot, that sure boosted my self-confidence!!!) (I told you it wouldn't be good.)

The result: Welcome to the Circus my friends!!!!
Please try not to see the trapped long black hair and carpet fodder stuck on the orange chair--forever enshrouded and protected.
There's a color for everyone. So we all know where to go.

If I haven't already told them.

(By the way, I'm so glad I half-heartedly edited this because for some completely nutso-I-must-really-be-losing-my-marbles reason, I was using "than's" intead of "then's". Oh the scandal that would surely have ensued and that's all in my head. Really, it's all that's left.)