So Bring Us Some Fudgy Fudgy

Because I should be doing 72 other things, I'll post the fudge recipe. I should not be doing this--I consider it my own special treat to give out, so Sassy Pants, and people in my neighborhood--no stealing! Unless you're giving it to people I don't know and whose taste buds need refining.

I got the recipe from a lady who makes a ton of good-tastin' candy every Christmas and she gave us a handout with a bunch of tips for making good candy--I'll give you the critical ones so I don't hear any boo-hooing about people's fudges not fudging.

The tips, in no rational order, almost all copied ver bedim (if you already know how to make good candy, skip on ahead, but go carefully--don't hurt your knees, or take anyone out with your elbows--it sort of hurts):

1. A heavy pan (that's thick on the bottom) is best for candy-making.

2. Use a wooden spoon while stirring candy so it doesn't go sugary.

3. Butter is better than margarine.

4. Make sure you stir candy constantly! Candy burns really easy! When boiling candy, DO NOT boil at a high temperature, boil at a medium temperature to help keep it from burning. STIR CONSTANTLY! (If you missed that--stir constantly)

5. Make sure pans are greased and ready to pour candy into when it's done.

6. If you have long hair, pull it back. duh.


Now that you're thoroughly bored, on to the show. Her recipe (with my unsolicited running commentary in yellow-orange, not to be confused with yellow or orange):

Place in a large bowl:

1 pint (7-oz jar) marshmallow creme (just one--believe me, I've done it with two--still good, but harder to cut)
1 12-oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips--DON'T use milk chocolate (trust me on this one)
2 teaspoons vanilla
nuts if desired (or if you prefer, nutty in-laws)

Place in large pan:
5 c white sugar
2 cubes butter (NOT margarine) (how could you forget it's better with butter?)
dash of salt (it's incredible)
1 large (12-oz) can evaporated milk

Bring second mixture to a slow boil. (Over medium heat remember) (I'm not becoming at all annoying.) After it starts boiling, cook for 9 minutes. Pour over the mixture in the large bowl and stir quickly. Pour into 9x13 pan that has been sprayed with Pam (or Western Family, including the dog) (or Wal-Mart).

Now MY variation to transform it into scrumdiddlyumptious

Famous White Orange Fudge (complete with shadow) :

--In the bowl mixture--use white chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet--I've found Nestle has the best texture if you're not rich enough to go to some fancy pants candy store in Salt Lake that I'm sure does not welcome three stinky, loud, fast-moving in polar directions (if there were three poles) children who have spilled out a nasty, dirty minivan bringing a cascade of pretzels, old Happy Meal hamburgers (yes we've found those in crevices) and rock-hard PB sandwiches.

--Add 1 dram orange or tangerine candy flavoring bought at Ben Franklin's (locals) with a 40% coupon (because remember how we don't buy ingredients at fancy store if it involved driving there with a full minivan). You can add just a teaspoon if you have no taste, but when I tried to measure mine, it was pouring down the side anyway so it all went in. You can half the vanilla or still use 2 tsp, I don't think it will kill anything.

--I added the zest from two Clementines, because I had them, but I suppose if you don't have any, YOUR fudge will still taste OKAY, and I mean OKAY. (Actually it probably really will be okay). You can add zest to the top, but I think I would have preferred to go without, or to let it dry out a little first so I could scatter it better. Sue me for having no cooker lingo.

--Add food coloring--1 drop red, 5 drops yellow. Yeah, the gel stuff works too. And in case you're wondering, and are strictly on a need to know later--the gel works when coloring bath salts, too--you just have to shake it longer. A lot longer. But since we don't want to eat bath salts with our fudge, who cares about that?

Now go make it. It doesn't take that long. If anyone has tried it and used, say, orange extract instead of candy flavoring and had it work, let me know (like leave a comment so we can all learn). I might have bottle of orange extract to burn up. Well not literally. duh.

Oh yeah, if not quite ALL the marshmallow dissolves, don't stress--those are the good parts, the marbleing and the marshmallow chunks. (As opposed to blowing chunks--where I efficiently killed your cravings for white orange fudge at 11 at night.) (Thank me later--I do like me the comments.) The same goes for if all the chocolate chips that don't dissolve--but I think it helps to have them on top of the marshmallow creme in the bowl.

That done, and my only unsecret secret recipe out, I want people's opinions on a good flat iron, or what you think is a reasonable flat iron price. Mine halfway bit the dust on our trip to Boise four months ago (which was traumatic as I was meeting that stranger, Jennifer P., and apparently my self-confidence is dependant on the state of my bouffant) (sadly) and became fully incapacitated when I was very angry one day and hit against a hard surface several times. I do believe that was a bad hair day. Yes, Mom, I think I'll have those until I'm dead--even when I'm an old lady getting my hair done once a week at the beautician's. Becuase you wanted to hear about hair and fudge at the same time (killed the craving again, eh?)


So in case you've forgotten already, I want flat iron opinions! And fudge experiment results! Bring it on.